It was a normal morning. The birds were chirping. My coffee was cold...again! I was feeling tired, as a mom of four little ones grows accustom to. The younger two had been happily playing in the living room, and I was determined to read my Bible. My coffee was reheated, my Bible and pens were on the table, and I was ready. I said a quick prayer for God to speak to my heart. Opened to Titus one and began to read. I got all the way through the first verse when the first fight broke out. After I resolved the problem, I sat back down and... reread the first verse. Then my sweet Lyla crawled onto my lap. First she asked me for her sippy cup, which I retrieved. Then, she told me something else (I was honestly too distracted to know what she said). After I read the first verse the fifth time, she reached for my half cup of coffee. It happened as in slow motion. The reach. The attempt to save her, the Bible, and my coffee. The spill went everywhere. Startled I screamed and jumped up with Lyla in my arms. My reaction had scared Lyla. I snuggled her close, and told her I was sorry. I felt so alone in the struggle. The daily struggle to balance it all. Why couldn't I get it all together??? I was frustrated. I just wanted to read a chapter, maybe a couple verses. Why did it seem that every time I sat down things were hurtled in my direction. No matter what I was trying to do, I felt like it just wouldn't happen the way I planned. Why did I feel like such a failure, again?
Does this remind you of a time in your life. Maybe something similar has happened to you. Fret not, dear reader, we are in this together. The other day I was listening to a pod cast and they were talking about a picture the woman had taken of her little two year old carrying his scooter to the park. He was not strong enough to ride it the whole way there, and neither was he really strong enough to carry it. His mom had offered to carry it or to push him on it, but he was determined to do it alone. The mom told of how much longer it took to get to the park because he had to keep stopping to set it down and take a breath. Sounds like us, doesn't it. God wants to carry us, to help us through the trenches of mommy-hood, but we are so determined to do it all on our own. We begin to be bogged down by our burdens, when if we would simply turn them over to God, He will carry us.
I often make myself an island. I feel all alone in my struggles and the daily grind. I look at my life overwhelmed by the responsibilities I have to do. I look at those responsibilities without realizing God promises to help us to do them. Not only to help us, but through us He will work them out. However, we are often like the two year refusing to accept His help, and carrying our scooter all by ourselves.
Matthew 11:29-30 says, "Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me: for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
I have felt the burdens of being a mom to my four children. I have taken them on myself. I have failed more times than I care to admit. I have prayed and given it over, only to take it right back. I realize I can't be the mom I am supposed to be. I am not able. I am not an island. I am not alone. All along beside me the Savior patiently waits for me to come to Him. To ask Him to take the burdens and walk beside Him. Why do I resist?
Isaiah 41:10 says, "Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness."
There will be days when reading my Bible is not going to be easy, but God never said following Him would be easy. He did say that He would walk beside us. He would give us what we need if we will listen to Him. There will be days when no matter what we say or do we fail over and over, but we need to keep giving our burdens over to the Lord. We need to keep tossing them at His feet.
I still feel like a failure more times than I should.
I am not perfect!!!!
But, the more I toss my burdens at His feet the more victories I will have.
Sure my coffee may be cold, or spilled. My children may still be in their jammies at lunch time! But I am learning to cast my burdens on Him. I am not an island. God walks beside me and I am never alone!
It is enough.
You, my dear sweet reader, are truly beautiful!