Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Spilled



It was a normal morning. The birds were chirping. My coffee was cold...again! I was feeling tired, as a mom of four little ones grows accustom to. The younger two had been happily playing in the living room, and I was determined to read my Bible. My coffee was reheated, my Bible and pens were on the table, and I was ready. I said a quick prayer for God to speak to my heart. Opened to Titus one and began to read. I got all the way through the first verse when the first fight broke out. After I resolved the problem, I sat back down and... reread the first verse. Then my sweet Lyla crawled onto my lap. First she asked me for her sippy cup, which I retrieved. Then, she told me something else (I was honestly too distracted to know what she said). After I read the first verse the fifth time, she reached for my half cup of coffee. It happened as in slow motion. The reach. The attempt to save her, the Bible, and my coffee. The spill went everywhere. Startled I screamed and jumped up with Lyla in my arms. My reaction had scared Lyla. I snuggled her close, and told her I was sorry. I felt so alone in the struggle. The daily struggle to balance it all. Why couldn't I get it all together??? I was frustrated. I just wanted to read a chapter, maybe a couple verses. Why did it seem that every time I sat down things were hurtled in my direction. No matter what I was trying to do, I felt like it just wouldn't happen the way I planned. Why did I feel like such a failure, again?

Does this remind you of a time in your life. Maybe something similar has happened to you. Fret not, dear reader, we are in this together. The other day I was listening to a pod cast and they were talking about a picture the woman had taken of her little two year old carrying his scooter to the park. He was not strong enough to ride it the whole way there, and neither was he really strong enough to carry it. His mom had offered to carry it or to push him on it, but he was determined to do it alone. The mom told of how much longer it took to get to the park because he had to keep stopping to set it down and take a breath. Sounds like us, doesn't it. God wants to carry us, to help us through the trenches of mommy-hood, but we are so determined to do it all on our own. We begin to be bogged down by our burdens, when if we would simply turn them over to God, He will carry us.


I often make myself an island. I feel all alone in my struggles and the daily grind. I look at my life overwhelmed by the responsibilities I have to do. I look at those responsibilities without realizing God promises to help us to do them. Not only to help us, but through us He will work them out. However, we are often like the two year refusing to accept His help, and carrying our scooter all by ourselves.

Matthew 11:29-30 says, "Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me: for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

I have felt the burdens of being a mom to my four children. I have taken them on myself. I have failed more times than I care to admit. I have prayed and given it over, only to take it right back. I realize I can't be the mom I am supposed to be. I am not able. I am not an island. I am not alone. All along beside me the Savior patiently waits for me to come to Him. To ask Him to take the burdens and walk beside Him. Why do I resist?

Isaiah 41:10 says, "Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness."


There will be days when reading my Bible is not going to be easy, but God never said following Him would be easy. He did say that He would walk beside us. He would give us what we need if we will listen to Him. There will be days when no matter what we say or do we fail over and over, but we need to keep giving our burdens over to the Lord. We need to keep tossing them at His feet.

I still feel like a failure more times than I should.

I am not perfect!!!!

But, the more I toss my burdens at His feet the more victories I will have.

Sure my coffee may be cold, or spilled. My children may still be in their jammies at lunch time! But I am learning to cast my burdens on Him. I am not an island. God walks beside me and I am never alone!

God made you.
It is enough.
You, my dear sweet reader, are truly beautiful!







Thursday, March 26, 2015

You Are Beautiful




The smile on his face was the same sweet smile I have grown to love as he looked at me and said what he has said over and over for the thirteen years of dating and marriage, "You are beautiful!" I smiled back and said something like, "You have to say that." It was my normal response. For some reason I have never believed him. Suddenly guilt covered me. A guilt I have never experienced before. Questions flew through my mind. Why don't I believe him? Why would he lie to me about that? Has he lied before? It was like a ton of bricks hit me in the chest when I realized I don't believe him. I don't believe I am beautiful. I don't think I ever have. It was then I heard the Holy Spirit whispered in my ear, "You are fearfully and marvelously made. You are my creation. I think you are beautiful. You don't believe me, either." Has God been lying to me all this time? What else don't I believe? Who am I? Why am I not satisfied with who I am in Christ?

I don't know who will read this post. I am not sure if you are in the same place as me, or if you, unlike me, are satisfied with who you are. It is not just looks that I am realizing that I have been discontent with. It is who I am. My attributes, talents, the things that make me...well, me!

The devil has been lying to us, dear reader. He has said we are not beautiful the way God made us. The talents we have are not enough. Our life could be better. He has told us that we are not worthy of the love that we receive. I have decided I am fighting against his lie.  How many times I have said, "I wish I could do that like so-and-so," "I wish my hair was like hers," "I wish my kids behaved as well as theirs." The list could go on forever. I have never thought I was one to struggle with comparison, but God has opened my eyes. It is a struggle. It is hard to not look at others and not compare and fall short. ENOUGH! I am not going to believe it anymore. And you shouldn't either.

I am enough. I am perfect the way God made me. I am worthy of love. I am worthy of His love. He felt that so strongly He sent His son to die on a cross for me and for you. He loves us, dear one! He longs for our love in return. How can we love Him if we don't believe all that He says is true.

So who am I? When I look at myself in the mirror can I see what God sees? Not a vain girl that thinks she is all that, but a humbled woman that has been forgiven by God's grace. A woman that was designed by the greatest designer of all. That was created to be a mother to my four children and a helpmeet to my husband. The talents I have are for God's glory. They are not better than your talents, they are simply my talents. Your talents are for God's glory. I will celebrate our differences and the blessings God has given you. I will see you as a perfect creation that God has made. I will not wish to be like anyone except the person I am.

I am not perfect. I am a sinner saved by grace. I will continue to follow Christ and pray that He will mold me and change me into His image.



Psalm 139:14 says, "I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well."

Isaiah 43:7, "Even every one that is called by my name: for I have created him for my glory, I have formed him; yea, I have made him."

God made you.
It is enough.
You, my dear sweet reader, are truely beautiful!

The next time my sweet hubby looks at me with those amazing green eyes and smile that melts me inside and says, "You are beautiful." I am going to say, "Thank you."