The smile on his face was the same sweet smile I have grown to love as he looked at me and said what he has said over and over for the thirteen years of dating and marriage, "You are beautiful!" I smiled back and said something like, "You have to say that." It was my normal response. For some reason I have never believed him. Suddenly guilt covered me. A guilt I have never experienced before. Questions flew through my mind. Why don't I believe him? Why would he lie to me about that? Has he lied before? It was like a ton of bricks hit me in the chest when I realized I don't believe him. I don't believe I am beautiful. I don't think I ever have. It was then I heard the Holy Spirit whispered in my ear, "You are fearfully and marvelously made. You are my creation. I think you are beautiful. You don't believe me, either." Has God been lying to me all this time? What else don't I believe? Who am I? Why am I not satisfied with who I am in Christ?
I don't know who will read this post. I am not sure if you are in the same place as me, or if you, unlike me, are satisfied with who you are. It is not just looks that I am realizing that I have been discontent with. It is who I am. My attributes, talents, the things that make me...well, me!
The devil has been lying to us, dear reader. He has said we are not beautiful the way God made us. The talents we have are not enough. Our life could be better. He has told us that we are not worthy of the love that we receive. I have decided I am fighting against his lie. How many times I have said, "I wish I could do that like so-and-so," "I wish my hair was like hers," "I wish my kids behaved as well as theirs." The list could go on forever. I have never thought I was one to struggle with comparison, but God has opened my eyes. It is a struggle. It is hard to not look at others and not compare and fall short. ENOUGH! I am not going to believe it anymore. And you shouldn't either.
I am enough. I am perfect the way God made me. I am worthy of love. I am worthy of His love. He felt that so strongly He sent His son to die on a cross for me and for you. He loves us, dear one! He longs for our love in return. How can we love Him if we don't believe all that He says is true.
So who am I? When I look at myself in the mirror can I see what God sees? Not a vain girl that thinks she is all that, but a humbled woman that has been forgiven by God's grace. A woman that was designed by the greatest designer of all. That was created to be a mother to my four children and a helpmeet to my husband. The talents I have are for God's glory. They are not better than your talents, they are simply my talents. Your talents are for God's glory. I will celebrate our differences and the blessings God has given you. I will see you as a perfect creation that God has made. I will not wish to be like anyone except the person I am.
I am not perfect. I am a sinner saved by grace. I will continue to follow Christ and pray that He will mold me and change me into His image.
Psalm 139:14 says, "I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well."
Isaiah 43:7, "Even every one that is called by my name: for I have created him for my glory, I have formed him; yea, I have made him."
God made you.
It is enough.
You, my dear sweet reader, are truely beautiful!
The next time my sweet hubby looks at me with those amazing green eyes and smile that melts me inside and says, "You are beautiful." I am going to say, "Thank you."